EvilZone

idk what beat you were rapping to but just reading this you constantly fall off beat and extend your bars much longer than they should be. Also you contradict yourself quite a bit. "My mind is a ghost town" "Call me the all knowing". If your mind is as empty as a ghost town how the fuck do you know everything?

Your biggest issue is honestly something you brought up yourself : " i can go accapella or just write a story"

All in all I think you need to start freestyling on a beat because your internal metronome doesn't seem to be working to keep you within the confines of any decipherable time signature.

I intenionally went off beat

i can cut the rhyme and just talk

-Showing im purpousley jumping off the beat a tactic used in underground freestyling, which i dont know if you been around, but that's that.

My mind is a ghost town, your looking at the obvious, empty.
What else is followed with a Ghost town?
Lonliness, Darkness A place that has failed to due to tragedy.

But thanks.

Thank you, good to see you still around hanorotu I've been making a few beats and freestyles well have to chat and get a little project together this is just a taste of on the spot thinking and non stop typing as if we were face to face hahaha,
And yes ifailstuff it's the one and
Only

Ha ha ha!
Who? Me you tryin' to deceive?
Looks like you need a kick,
So that you can freeze!

Look here man,
You've used 'a' before a place where you need 'an',
So you still think you can,
Do this shit?
Well, I do understand,
You need to be taught the grip!

Ima free saturday evening, kid
Call me anytime.
Coz I'll need to teach you,
The rules of rhyme!
But next time,
Make sure you don't screw up this bad!
Else, Ima make you fag,
Ima make you sad!

For now just go home,
And watch me on the TV.
Coz I'm starrin' tonight,
So you'll get to see me.

Keep calm kid,
This stuff takes time.
Keep your pace steady, then
Someday you'll learn to rhyme!

(gosh! I've logged on after a month or so... So busy with my studies, you know! ~ another rhyme )

God, It's been a while
But my skill hasen't faded, Just ecscalated
Stop feeding the fire
I'm the king, your the squire
I drop beats and eat rap
If I was as lame as you id say your stuffs crap
But I learn to respect other peoples effort
At the end of the day you cant touch this
spits and hits like mc hammer
you cant understand the fame and glamour
Space your rap out in verses
Tryin to hard, call the nurses
You need to get treated
Now your gettin' schooled, feel cheated?
You did it to yourself, got me fuckin' heated
Your nothing to me, Don't try to compare
I almost feel bad, it just isn't fair
You had good intentions, but your done
Tell your girl I said thanks for last night hun
Ill merk you, ill eat her
ill fuck your life up in a blur
Come into your house show you what this gangsta shit about
hear your mama's painful shout cause' you showed chronic doubt
now im ready to bang out, call out and go all out
You got in to deep, you wont catch me slippin'
don't try to creep
right hook, go to sleep
So don't waste time to hit me back
This was just a snack don't make me fully attack
Skill and flow you lack, feeble and sad like an addict, no crack
keep an eye out for that suv, all black fully strapped
Back alley, your trapped
Find yourself capped
my crew shows no mercy
Get killed standin' to close to me
While you got the chance, flee
or ill have you weepin' on one knee
Gun to the dome
See ya at tha funeral home.

Well then, ask around about chronic
They'll whisper his demonic
Now i'm in your head
Don't try to think, im 5 steps ahead
Fuck peace, im not intrested in breaking bread
My heart is like JFK, dead
I dont want or need it
But this hunger to kill and destroy, i feed it
Im maturing but still trying to live free
Calm and cool like ice tea
ready to attack like a african bee
no real target or reason
but for me every minute is open season
to be what i want to be
I'm the opposite of heaven
My address is 187.

Pak_Track pak_track pak_track
damn youre gonna give me a heart attack
doin the same shit as chronic
how gay
now listen to what i have to say
you stupid retarded little fae
you have weak ass rhymes
rhymin idiot with idiot
like chronic sayin i got no dick
yet your moms givin it a lick
thats right i can be lame
talkin  about moms again, same
my ass has a stitch?
wtf is that bitch?
you got an itch?
lol maybe its crabs
dont scratch too much, youll get scabs
and in the end, your fuck rap sucks
hell, i just dont give a fuck

now that i got your attention
i just need to mention
this is a damn intervention
yoyr shit sucks
i cant believe you tried to buck
you need to shut your shit, before you get struck
i know that chronics stuck
or sitting there not givin a fuck
running away like the ugly duck
ha what a schmuck

in the lack of posts
and no on even close
i guess i must say;
ADIOS

I was done hearing about your gun
so smarten up son, every rap is like a rerun
Your shits whack, and you get off track
Yes i am busy, countin' my stack from all tha crack and fuck yeah i pack a mac, so get off tha attack
Sick of you rookie, see your death comin', fortune cookie


Yeah i see the future,Fagget
Your nothin' but a bitch ass maggot
So shush little goof
Ill make you dissapear like, be gone bitch *poof*
I got all the power,your rhymes are cute
But im chronic my man
So you best make a plan

Just drop off the edge, little punk
In reality your peaceful like a monk
I'm straight twisted,Check my rapsheet
My offences, they listed
And i still run shit
Wanna step? you better commit
I'm right here come get it, get it
wait little man, cool it
Don't make me lose it


Chronic gets it
Not worried one bit
His callin' yo mom a bitch,
But he aint get it. she aint a bitch,
You are, Nothin' but a snitch
I see that twitch, and your voice go higher pitch
Real recognizes real, You dont look familiar
So go back to your boys in blue
And stop with your spew
Get back to work at the drive-thru.

You say my spits the same?
Just looks at yours, how lame
You should go bow your head in shame
Best watch out before I take aim
I might not shoot because you're a dame
You have such a petite frame
In the end I'll have all the fame
I'll win the game
You just can't contain
I'll soak you in butane
Then I'll light a match
And light fire to your girls snatch
You come after my fam
My gat will go bam
You say I suck dick
Wow what a prick
I'll slam your head in with a brick
Real quick
Then my trigger will go click
And your heart wont tick
This is the trick
Because I'm just that slick
Come on Chronic
Time to get a new nick
You want a war?
You want me to use the door?
I wont leave till your body hits the floor
And you will be sore
Come on keep up, whats the score?
What you want more?
However you I do adore
You'll make such a nice whore
You think you're hardcore
I'll blow your ass up with c4
Then you wont be living anymore
Better write up your memoir
I can keep going all day
Damn you're so gay
You're such a little fae
You I will slay
I will not sway
Have you screaming like a blue jay
You better make way
You better obey
You should just back away
I'll leave you in disarray
Rearrange your DNA
Dont be led astray
I'm the best in the milky way
You might as well run away
You need an action replay?
You should just go do ballet
You'd look good in a skirt
Because you're nothing but dirt
I'll make your girl squirt
While you sit there butt hurt
Best stay alert
Dont be so inert
I just can't stop
My hatchet will go chop
You will drop
And go flip flop
My flow is non stop
I'll take my ax and go slash
End your life in a flash
You can try and dash
But I will thrash
Make your blood go splash
Your body will thrash
I'll smash
Throw your body in the trash
Then smoke a bowl of hash

Where are you getting this shit? google?
away, dissaray, dna?
What do you think you are, Dre?
Real rap fans would know thats a diss
Talking bout me being a whore, look at your miss
I'm the godfather of rap, so shutup and clap
The way you rap about your gun over and over
i know your fake and insecure
But me? Oh so pure
I'm a king, your just immature
Tell me more about you gun, i've never seen one
Because i'm a good little boy, don't even know how to load
That's incase my lawyer looks at this, need to talk in code
So i dont get locked up and fucking explode
see i've been around guns
But the way you talk about it, overdone
It kills me to read 19 rhymes in a row
And then you try to say you can come and drop flow
But see rap is all about the message not the rhymes
I can say shit however i feel as long as it has meaning
thats the difference between me and you
you rhyme, i inspire
i spit mothafuckin fire
so stand back before you get burnt
Listening to you got my stomach turned
It's like you don't even know what your saying
When i get on evilzone im praying,
that you don't reply
Not because of fear, but all im gonna see is
deer,year,beer,sincere,ear
So stop trying so hard i know you wanna phaze me
Or throw me out to sea like you stated
Your gonna make yourself most hated
You say you like immortal technique but from you spits
You listen to Pop's Best hits
Your a goon, im a shot caller
Since the age of 10, a brawler
A juggalo, eh?
Go paint your face,
And cry about how everyone hates you
and dont understand, rape is okay, but racism a big no-no
Whoa, That sounds fun
Grab your necklace with the little hatchet
Go to a little backyard meeting with the rest of the freaks
With the overweight physiques,Talk about old homies,
And your favorite makeup products to paint your face
To rap you guys are a fucking disgrace,
Mom shoulda had an abortion in the first place
Pardon me, im suffering from an illness called being real
And i dont give a fuck if it dont appeal
i'm not mainstream, and im not a clown or brown
Just shut your mouth before you get knocked down.

The fact you havent seen my girl makes your rhyme look false and weak, but ill be back after work