Opinion:
In my personal opinion, this is a decent poem. It evokes personal memories, both painful & joyful. To me, that's almost always a good thing. I do, however, think that it could use some rewording for better 'flow' & depth. I would consider it an insult to the author, however, to present a modification without permission as it differs from typical considerate criticism.
Analysis(brief):
It's explanatory and shows confusion, a trapped mindset and a deep desire to hide but simultaneously be known. I get a sense of more than just the common 'teenage angst', a feeling of regret. At the same time there's a slight sense of pride in an ability to contain & compose even in minor duress. The hint of bitterness is apparent and the forthcoming "bitch, beware" looms on the horizon.
Showing through is some small hopefulness, a mainstay. These appear, at the moment, to be thoughts merely repeated to oneself as a mantra to self-hypnotize with the belief that in the end, it's not all just pain or that at least the pain might be worth it. This is promising & encouraged.
Suggested Corrections:
Social(ly) awkward she stands alone
she fits in no where not even home.
to me it flows better with the ly
I was initially thinking the same thing, though after re-reading I wonder if it's meant to indicate a person OF trait as opposed to a person WITH trait. The difference; "she's socially awkward" vs "she's a social-awkward". Ether way, I believe adding 'ly' may be the better approach but it certainly depends on the desired intention.
also:
Go to a place it's all better[/font][/color]
i think either
Go to a place, it's all better
or
Go to a place where it's all better
Perhaps "Go to a place that's all better"?
I would also note that where it says "She forgets of her responsibility to be a mother", you may want to remove the word 'of'. Further, I think it may be better as "She forgets her responsibility as a mother". This is just my opinion, of course.
Suggested Tracks:
http://youtu.be/_Syphwc5Flc - Within Temptation : What Have You Done
http://youtu.be/EluzTj88tWU - Killswitch Engage : The Arms of Sorrow
http://youtu.be/4wcIEsf1ITA - AWOLNATION : Not Your Fault
http://youtu.be/ocDlOD1Hw9k - P!nk : F**kin' Perfect
http://youtu.be/4N3N1MlvVc4 - Gary Jules : Mad World
Each track is meant to evoke one or more emotions and lend to inspiration & creativity.
