My Paper for my English Class

[Lady Amara]

So I have finished my paper on the OSI Model. I chose it because we had to choose a topic within our careers for school, but it couldn't be a general topic like Computer Science :/. Anyways Critique is welcome, please be nice about it otherwise rudeness will be ignored. The assignment itself will already be turned in but all input will be considered as I review my final draft. It is the last paper of my school term and I really want to make an A on it so all advice is welcome . Thanks ^^,


http://upload.evilzone.org/download.php?id=9234959&type=rar

Oh I uploaded it this way so I hope thats ok o.o

Update: I should probably add that Most of the examples I came up with except the one using the IP and MAC addresses, the very last paragraph is also my understanding of an OSI model. None of the resources were used for that, however the resources are listed that were used and cited hopefully correctly XD.

[RedBullAddicted]

HI Amara,

your paper is very good but there are a few things I would add. All the time I am explaining that to somebody new I try to use an analogy to make it easier to understand. for example something like that:
http://www.tcpipguide.com/free/t_UnderstandingTheOSIReferenceModelAnAnalogy.htm

You should create a picture for your example with the webserver. Maybe you can show a network packet... go through the headers and tell them which frame belongs to which layer.

Its always good to show which hardware resides on which layer. Makes it more understandable for non techs

btw. you should copy your paper to the tutorials section. +1 for your work

[Lady Amara]

hey, i did add pictures to the paper itself, i forget how to put them online so i didn't bother XD, if you would like though i can post up the pics i used.

[Zesh]

Could you upload the paper in another format instead of docx? I don't have MS Office or anything that will open that format

[Lady Amara]

Sure thing.

http://upload.evilzone.org/download.php?id=6318794&type=zip

pdf made it look all professional XD.

[techb]

Can I use this for work?  I work for DSL tech support and the students in the classes would benefit greatly from it. You will be credited for it of course .

[Zesh]

Sure thing.

http://upload.evilzone.org/download.php?id=6318794&type=zip

pdf made it look all professional XD.

Thank you.

Overall it is a good paper and with all things, one could pick out a few little things but it is a good paper.

I will pick out one thing...I really don't like your use of capital letters 'High Level Protocols' then later on 'high level protocols' and you do this quite frequently. If I capitalise something then I must capitalise it where ever I use it

[Lady Amara]

@techb: Sure that would be awesome Would you like the final version with the changes though?

@Zesh: yea I know I did it often during the paper, I forgot to go back and capitalize when I was reviewing it. :/ But the changes will be made :]

@RedBullAddicted: I sent a pm to you but I will take a look at the website you provided and make of list of changes I can make.

Thanks guys! This is a really big help.

[techb]

@techb: Sure that would be awesome Would you like the final version with the changes though?

@Zesh: yea I know I did it often during the paper, I forgot to go back and capitalize when I was reviewing it. :/ But the changes will be made :]

@RedBullAddicted: I sent a pm to you but I will take a look at the website you provided and make of list of changes I can make.

Thanks guys! This is a really big help.

The copy you provided is good enough for the people in the classes. Most of them don't even know what a router or IP is. Although, if you would like to post a final version, I'm sure everyone here would love to see it. Also the grade you got on it.


BTW, thanks for letting me use it.

[Lady Amara]

Thesis is well developed and clearly focused
Supporting evidence is thorough and relevant
Narrative and description kept to minimum needed for analysis
Conflicting evidence is consistently acknowledged and accounted for
Counter-arguments are consistently anticipated and refuted
Conclusion emerges logically from main arguments
Well organized and well written
(name here), goodjob with the draft! Very good thesis and development throughout. The in-text citations are very good. The references need a little adjustment. Review the sample APA formatted paper posted in Doc Sharing and compare your reference page to that one there.Your argument is superbly developed throughout. For the final draft, be sure that you add some quotes from your references. Good job with the charts. Keep up the great work![/font][/size]

What my teacher said about my paper. I got a 74/75 points on it  :][/font]

[PhantasmagoricalTech]

Congrats!

[PublicEnemy]

Awesome, gratulations.

[lifecabal]

You deserve it ma'am.

[Lady Amara]

Thanks everyone, and thanks for the help :]