my screensaver = phosphor using fortune w/ offensive cookies...pure awesomeness
fortune is the whole reason to run *nix
some evidence:
"If there is only one Creator who made the tiger and the lamb,
the cheetah and the gazelle, what is He playing at? Is he a
sadist who enjoys spectator blood sports? ... Is he manuvering
to maximize David Attenborough's television ratings?"
[Richard Dawkins, "River Out of Eden"]
**********************************************************
* WARNING: To prevent the risk of insanity, do not *
* open the bible's cover. No user understandable *
* material inside. Please refer counseling to *
* qualified mental health personnel. *
**********************************************************
If God had intended you to walk around nude, He would have given you something to show off.
Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.
-- Madonna
As she lay there dozing next beside me, a voice inside my head kept saying
"Relax... you're not the first doctor who's ever slept with one of his
patients," but another voice kept reminding me, "Howard, you're a veterinarian."
A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks
up to the bar and sits down, ordering a beer for himself and one for the
little Leprechaun.
After a few beers, the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder,
struts down the bar and comes to a stop in front of a rather large construction
worker. Looking the guy right in the eye, he gives him a rather large, damp,
Bronx cheer. And trots back to sit on his buddy's shoulder. The worker is
pretty upset, but decides to shine on this rather offensive breach of manners.
After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and
walks over to his previous victim and goes "PPPPHHHHHHHBBBBTTTTTT" again.
Well, that's too much, and the victim knocks the Leprechaun off the bar and,
after walking over to stand very close to the Leprechaun's escort, tells him
in a rather overloud voice, that if it happens again, he's going to "cut off
his little dick!"
Replies the escort, "Leprechauns don't have dicks."
"Yeah? Well, then," asks the big man, how does he take a piss?"
"PPPPHHHHHHHBBBBTTTTTT!!!!"
Four Oxford dons were taking their evening walk together and as
usual, were engaged in casual but learned conversation. On this particular
evening, their conversation was about the names given to groups of animals,
such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese."
One of the professors noticed a group of prostitutes down the block,
and posed the question, "What name would be given to that group?" The four
fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities...
At last, one spoke: "How about 'a Jam of Tarts'?" The others nodded
in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem. A second
professor spoke: "I'd suggest 'an Essay of Trollops.'" Again, the others
nodded. A third spoke: "I propose 'a Flourish of Strumpets.'"
They continued their walk in silence, until the first professor
remarked to the remaining professor, who was the most senior and learned of
the four, "You haven't suggested a name for our ladies. What are your
thoughts?"
Replied the fourth professor, "'An Anthology of Prose.'"
To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
Come along and sing a song and join our family.
B & D
S & M
Post to A.S.B.!
Rope and leather, cuffs and cats, and toys from JTT.
B & D
S & M
Post to A.S.B.!
A.S.B.!
(A.S.B.!)
A.S.B.!
(A.S.B.!)
Come on now, let's try another tie!
(Tie! Tie! Tie!)
All the kinky folks are here, and some on IRC.
B & D
S & M
Post on A.S.B.!
-- To the Mickey Mouse March
Murphy's Discovery:
Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to women?
They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be
all right." And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble!
((And limericks!))
A studious professor named Nestor
Bet a whore all his books that he could best her.
But she drained out his balls
And skipped up the walls,
Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.
A sailor who slept in the sun,
Woke to find his fly buttons undone,
He remarked with a smile,
"Good grief, a sun-dial!
And now it's a quarter-past one."
To his bride, said the sharp eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
Is your east tit the least bit
The best of your west tit,
Or is it a trick of perspective?"
((crude but true))
Life isn't a bitch. Life is a virgin. A bitch is easy.
There you have it. Proof positive that fortune is easily the best part of *nix. You can debate cowsay vs toilet, bash vs zsh, rxvt vs xterm vs aterm vs whatever, gnome vs kde vs xfce vs lxde vs whatever...but you can't beat fortune. There's just too much awesomeness.
