Poem (Volkie)

[Code.Illusionist]

Hey everyone, this is poem I wrote for my female friend to give to some guy she like. Have in mind that she never met that person in real life but just in game. Therefor this is poem where she express feeling towards him. Here we go:

Volkie

Wherever I go, I think of you,
Whatever I do, I live for you.

My heart beats with only one rate,
It only beats for out first date.

Thinking of you make me stronger,
For you I could wait milion years or longer.

Even with broken wings, for you I could fly,
But without you I would fall and die.

I call you Volkie, that is your name,
I will never forget the day I met you in game.

You are the only person I will ever need,
Without you my hearth would probably bleed.

I want you here, to hold me tight,
To give me a hug and a kiss for good night.

Even if space is full of star,
You are the brightest I met so far.

Every day you are here for me,
For you I would take arrow in my knee.

Distance between us can be a pain,
But for you I will  endure even on the toughest rain.

Even you are far, far far away,
You are always here to make my day.

The end of poem is very near,
I will always love you, have no fear.

[Zesh]

Despite the errors, it's a good poem +1.

[rasenove]

Catchy, I like it. Specially the rythm.
Here are the errors that zesh might be talking about,

1. change line 3 to "  Whatever I do, I do for you."

2. A grammatical error in line 4, Fix it: "My heart beets at only one rate"

3. There's a grammatical error in line 22, fix it by "Even if you are far, far far away,"

4. Line 5 doesn't make sence, maybe you ment "It only beats for our first date."
(so many errors, I won't get into details anymore)
5. Thinking of you makes me stronger
6. For you I could wait a milion years or longer.
7. I will never forget the day I met you in the game. (maybe..)
8. To give me hugs and a kiss for good night. (nothing wrong really)
9. Even if space is full of stars ,
10. You are the brightest I've met so far.
11. For you I would take an arrow in my knee.
12. I'm outta ammo... Lol

Shoot me if I missed any error lol. But seriously, i'm not so good at english either. I might have over looked an error or two.

[Code.Illusionist]

Thank you both for pointing out to errors and for saying it's nice =) . I found another song I wrote, I am sure it has errors and if someone is that free he can point it out again, I will learn in the progress. Here it is:

I want to tell you

Why would it be simple, when it can be hard,
To fall in love with Eylin the bard.

I love you trully and with all my heart,
But unreturned love rip me apart.

That's the secret I will have to keep,
Even though I am hurt truly deep.

The moment I see you love another guy,
Make me fall and wish to die.

But I can't die, not without the fight,
I must live and for you become the knight.

The shiny knight that ride white horse,
In who you will fall in love without using the force.

What a wonderfull dream that would be,
To hold you in my arms and be completly free.

To imagine all that make my heart warm,
But soon after that I feel full impact of storm.

I hate to see you so perfect without any flaw,
It wound me for life, like volks pet claw.

Whenever I see you with that long blond hair,
My heart beats speed up and make me lose some air.

Why love has to be such a pain,
To make me feel miserable and wet on endless  rain.

I am indescribably happy because you are part of my life,
Even though I would give anything so you be my wife.

There is no other women that could take your place,
Even if they give their best you will still win the race.

Look at my eyes and tell me you love me,
So I can bend down, and propose you on my knee.

It's  just  a dream, I know it very well,
But thinking of it make me happy like I am under effect of some spell.

Poem is already long, but I don't really care,
You deserevd every verse because you are truly rare.

I want to tell you...

[rasenove]

I tried my best to fix all the errors. Hope this helps.

I want to tell you
Why would it be simple, when it can be hard,
To fall in love with Eylin the bard.
I love you trully and with all my heart,
But unreturned love rips me apart.
That's the secret I will have to keep,
Even though I am hurt truly deep.
The moment I see you love another guy,
Makes me fall and wish to die.
But I can't die, not without the a fight,
I must live and for you to become the knight.
The shiny knight that rides a white horse,
In who you will fall in love without using the any force.
What a wonderfull dream that would be,
To hold you in my arms and be completly free.
To imagine all that make my heart warm,
But soon after that I feel full impact of storm.
I hate to see you so perfect without any flaw,
It wound me for life, like volks pet claw.
Whenever I see you with that long blond hair,
My heart beat  speeds up and makes me lose some air.
Why love has to be such a pain,
To make me feel miserable and wet in endless
rains.
I am indescribably happy because you are a part of my life,
Even though I would give anything so you wold be my wife.
There is no other women that could take your place,
Even if they give their best you will still win the race.
Look at my eyes and tell me you love me,
So I can bend down, and propose you on my knee.
It's just a dream, I know it very well,
But thinking of it make me happy like I am under
effect of  some a spell.
This/The poem is already long, but I don't really care,
You deserevd every verse because you are truly rare.
I want to tell you...

[proxx]

This is what you get when dropping a poem amongst a bunch of math freaks, spelling nazi's and coders.

[Stackprotector]

this is poem I wrote for my female friend to give to some guy she like

You are sure you are not secretly in love and just friendzoned like fuck?

[rasenove]

You are sure you are not secretly in love and just friendzoned like fuck?

Probably, I bet he'll be giving that second poem to her.

[proxx]

I see whats going on here.
We are not entitled to the entire truth so it seems.

[Code.Illusionist]

It's all fine to tell me when I make mistake  , that helps me.
@Factionwars : Was in love. Not anymore, not hard to guess trough poem , mostly because I mention the same guy =) .
Anyway thanks for fixing errors resenove, +1. =)

[geXXos]

This is what you get when dropping a poem amongst a bunch of math freaks, spelling nazi's and coders.

That made me lol. +1


@Code.Illusionist, nice poem +1 man, i didn't noticed grammar mistakes since i make a lot also, and i can not recognize them when i do.


As long as the grammar corrections from rasenove and others i thing is a nice thing cause it helps other.


Don't want to hijack the thread, but would be nice to have a sub/board where someone will right some lines that make sense, and other grammar nazis..hem, i mean nice fellows , will make corrections, no explanations and such, just corrections, as it happend here.

[Code.Illusionist]

Thanks geXXos. I have few more poems, but I found them not that good to be shown xD

[rasenove]

Or, you can just use www.reverso.net/spell-checker/ to do it yourself. Ah... I ment let it do it for you.

[geXXos]

Thanks geXXos. I have few more poems, but I found them not that good to be shown xD

Let others judge if it is good or not, some they will like it some will not. So post.

@rasenove nice link.

[Code.Illusionist]

Anyway there you go one of them. Just to let you know so you can understand, that girl support Wicca, therefor calling her witch is nothing offending xD

Marg

Long time ago, when magic was rare,
I met a girl with long black hair.

Her name is simple and very nice,
To be her friend has no prize.

Her soul is so untouched and pure,
That love she give make me endure.

She helped me find magic I've lost,
It was like melting memorise hidden in frost.

When I fall down and lose my fate,
She lifts me up and tell me I'm great.

Your smile can be addictive drug,
All I am asking for is one small hug.

There is no goal you can not reach,
That's why you are the greatest witch.

I must tell you that you are extremly smart,
Just remeber you are always part of my heart.