I grew up in a bible belt town, had been going to church before I could even comprehend the words being preached.
Believed till I was in college, then I turned agnostic believing there was no good reason for my belief, that I wanted nothing to do with these fundamental hypocriticals who bashed gays and women getting pregnant before they were married but forgot to look themselves in the mirror and compare their lives to the standard they judged others by.
After a couple years of trying to bury my faith, I realized that I could not. For me God is love, he is the very essence of love and even though I found myself trying not to believe because of these people who I despised, my problem was I wasn't doing one of the greatest commandments that I believe in, and that was loving them even if every part of me wanted nothing to do with them.
I believe God transcends time being omnipresent and omnipotent, something that I know my mind cannot fully understand. If I had to speculate I would believe God to be a four-dimensional being which would be God like to us. It would appear all around us and yet we could only see its protrusions into our reality as 3 dimensional projections. We could not grasp such a thing. The being could manipulate time as we manipulate 3 dimensional things.
So to me, when someone says well who created God? That question to me doesn't make sense. Creation is in the scope of time, and if a being was outside of time, it isn't subject to time.
Science is a great thing, we learn more and more about the naturalistic world everyday. The aesthetics of this earth and universe do make me drawn to spirituality yes, but it's not why I believe. I was reading a C.S Lewis book (Mere Christianity) not too long ago and he put it in words that I could have not done.
"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that country and to help others to do the same.”
My belief is not something anyone could put under a microscope, nor would I expect it to be. I have desires that I have never been able to satisfy with this world. My earnest search for God is the one thing that satisfy this hunger, for me that's what I plan on striving for till my pawn is knocked off the chess board.
